That's so Cliche'

I often stop and take some quiet time to reflect on the most difficult time of my life. Giving up on my marriage and embarking on the divorce journey changes a person, no matter the reason for the decision. It’s very similar to the stages of mourning. The marriage has died, the commitment needs to be buried, and the dream of happily-ever-after deserves to be mourned. I found myself often amazed at the kindness of some, as well as the judgement of others. So many of my friends, family, coworkers, and acquaintances offered empathetic wishes and unsolicited advice.  It was, from most, offered with the best of intentions. I began to notice that most couldn’t find their own words to express condolences so, instead, they used those common well-meaning clichés. These still ring (loudly) in my memory:

This too shall pass.

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

It just wasn’t meant to be.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining.

Time heals all wounds.

Faith looks up.

There are so, so, so many more. But, seriously, people?  Who wants to hear that when they’re in the throes of a struggle or a deep, dark depression?  Certainly not me.  I hated the way people looked at me. That look of sheer curiosity mirrored with utter pity.  It was sickening.  I hated the inevitable question:  What happened?  What the Hell does that mean?  How does one explain how their marriage failed?  It just…failed. For me, there was no juicy story to tell.  No one cheated.  No one gambled away all our money.  No one was abusive.  Life happened.  That’s what happened.  Sorry, folks, no grand tale.  No juicy story to pass on with a twist.  It was just…life. Life happened, ha, isn’t that so cliché? 

After I began to find myself and feel a little less vulnerable, I’ve begun to find the humor in the whole thing.  The thing is, five years later, during my reflection times, I realize that all of those obnoxious clichés are, well, true.  The overwhelming depression did, in fact, pass.  It didn’t kill me and it did, most definitely, make me stronger.  There was a light at the end of that long, dark tunnel.  It, our marriage, was simply NOT meant to be.  I lived under that dark cloud for far too long, and slowly, but most definitely surely, I see that silver lining.  Time is still healing my wounds.  And, faith?  Faith does look up.  Cheers.