Fish are Fishy Business

Once upon a time, there was an odd twist of events that landed a newly relocated apartment dweller with a really cool fish tank, and fish. A pictus catfish, an African feathered catfish and two parrot fish (one that swam upside down). I've never owned fish before but I've read about how soothing a tank can be. Hmph.  I'm still choking down that theory. Soon after set up at the apartment, the upside down swimmer went to fishy heaven. This made the lone parrot fish become extremely defensive and he began bullying the gorgeous feathered catfish. So, we found ourselves on a midnight mission to save the being-bullied fish. After much commotion and lots o' water on the floor, the parrot fish was safely swimming in a private bowl. We took him to The Fishy Store and Mr. Know-It-All-About-Fish man calmly explained that the death of upside down fish had upset the balance of the ecosystem. We left Mr. Bully Parrot with the Fish man and brought home three Tiger Barbs. All was well, until.... Mr. Feathered Catfish suddenly grew exponentially in size and ATE, yes ATE, Katy Perry (AKA the blue barb). So, once again, I fished out the bully fish (Feathered Fish, this time) and took it to The Fish Store. There Mr. Know-It-All-About-Fish man calmly explained that with the Parrot fish no longer keeping Mr. Feathered Fish in his place, Feathered Fish became King Fish and took over as ruler of the ecosystem. We left him with Mr. Fish Man and brought home 4 new Tiger Barbs. The tank then held 2 blue barbs, 2 striped barbs, 2 orange barbs and a pictus catfish. Oh, I was also instructed to add a rock that made bubbles. Within 3days, the entire tank turned black. Black, I tell ya. Mr. Pictus was first to choke out. At this point, I inappropriately cried...OVER FISH, for Pete's sake! My daughter felt sorry for her emotional momma and took a water sample to The Fish Store. There, they gave us these "sponges" ($17 a piece type sponges) to soak up all the toxic levels of ammonia that the tiger barbs had flooded the tank with, (which, by the way, I totally think would've been handy info to have had when purchasing the barbs!) Three sponge soakers later, the tank was clear. I purchased two gouramis. They lived for 2 weeks so I felt safe and added three small angel fish and a replacement pictus catfish. No one seems to be taking on the role of bully or assassin, as of yet. This evening, as I sat enjoying the "soothing" view, I thought we all would enjoy some comic relief! ‪#‎fishladyIAMNOT